last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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