I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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