Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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