i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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