You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
