Life is so much better after having sex.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
