you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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