I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
