he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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