So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
