After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
being pregnant is like rehab
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
