true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
