I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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