Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
