i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
