I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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