And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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