and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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