your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
