i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
