If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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