Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
