Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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