Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
