dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
