she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
