So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
