I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
