She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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