Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
