Nicole vs. Life
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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