Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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