He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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