You really coming over, don't trick.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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