You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
