Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Congratulations! We have a period
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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