Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
