yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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