ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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