Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
