you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
