If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
