Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
