Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
