Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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