have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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