She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
