you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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