do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
