Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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