Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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