I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
