I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
